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December 20th, 2009

11:00 am - support site

its a support site that i made and i want to help as many people as i can because i have been through shit in my life and i want my personal experiences to help others. your not alone and i hope that i can help you.

Overrun by powerful emotions
Trapped at a dead end
Only way out is to conquer the dreaded emotion
It's like a shadow so dark and menacing
I avoid it at all times

The shadow follows me wherever I go
Never relenting
Becoming more powerful as its quest progresses
The more I avoid it the stronger it becomes

Never letting me forget
Never giving me a moments peace
No matter how hard I try to repress what I'm feeling
Its always there
Growing stronger as each moment passes

Days go by
I get better at hiding behind a mask
Pretending to be normal
Soon the days give in to weeks
And the weeks surrender to months
Slowly my mask becomes reality
And I forget about the shadow lurking inside
Until one day
When the shadow takes over
Leaving me defenseless to its power
Left to fend myself in the wake of destruction

that is a poem i wrote and posted on my site

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December 9th, 2009

01:31 pm - Something nice, for once
SunTouch Plus Light & Ion Therapy Giveaway from NatureBright on ShesSmart.com! They've done lots of studies on how this particular lamp with the ion therapy really helps SAD (seasonal affective disorder). I see this as the perfect gift to YOURSELF if you're depressed. There is so much pressure during the holidays for things to be perfect. I'm looking into buying one of these for myself, or maybe a less-expensive one since I'm a frugal sort. Anyway, hope some of you decide to enter. I am someone who suffers from depression (major depressive disorder), so I understand...the...how shall I say it... the suckdom of everyday life.

Giveaway: ONE WINNER (1) will receive the SunTouch Plus Light & Ion Therapy, which retails for $139.95.

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October 26th, 2009

08:45 pm - Meghan
Hello! My name is Meghan. I’m a 22 year old girl from central PA. I’m going to college here in central PA. I’m majoring in social work and minoring in history. I have four cats. Here are some of the things that I like:

-Lord of The Rings
-Harry Potter
-Invader Zim
-Star Trek
-Watching foreign movies
-Anything paranormal
-Abandoned buildings
-Meeting new people
-Making new friends
-Chatting with people

I write in my journal everyday and I’m not afraid to leave comments either. Add me and you won’t be disappointed. Hope to hear from you all soon!
Current Location: Home on the couch
Current Mood: blahblah

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October 13th, 2009

06:38 pm - Anxiety
I walked into Wal mart today and thought I was going to die as I walked in and saw all those people. I got dizzy and everything went blank but somehow I managed to walk to the woman's section so I could find some black pants for my new job. I am wondering if I get stressed out just walking in Wal mart how I am going to handle working in fast food? It all seems like it is to much to handle. I am afraid I am going to have anxiety attacks in front of the customers ate work. But my unemployment stopped and I have to make money. To make my day even weirder I went into a car wash and got stuck in it. The power just went off and it was one of those car washed that is unattended and you just swipe your credit card. When the power went out and soap was all over my car I was so depressed I just sat there for 30 minutes, hopeless staring at the soap rolling down my wind shield. I was just thinking this HAS to be some kind of cruel joke...What makes people go on?
Current Mood: anxiousanxious

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October 10th, 2009

06:07 pm - Life skills
I just don't have the skills necessary to deal with life. Read more...Collapse )
Current Mood: tiredtired

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August 7th, 2009

02:46 pm - may i introduce myself?
my name's matthew, and I suffer from anxiety, depression and post-traumatic-stress-disorder, and I have ADD.

From ages 5 onwards through highschool to the present i have been bullied. At age 6 i was bullied by a teacher, at age 8 i was nearly drowned by a bully of the same age, i've had mostly social bullying, name-calling, teasing and rejection. I contemplated suicide at age 14, had a nearly psychotic episode of paranoia at age 15, and since then have been seeking counselling. Because of the bullying i've had low-self-esteem, what relationships i've had haven't worked out in the long-run, which adds to my depression. I get panick attacks at work based on how busy it gets, and i even wonder if the medication i'm on to stop some of this stuff from happening is actually making things worse.

Sorry if i'm doing a whole emo-dump, or seeming self-centered in this post, I just wanted to let people know a bit about me.

I try to deal with the stuff, but most of the time i can't handle it. I try to distract myself with trying to think of the positive outcomes of work, but that doesn't usually work. Tomorrow night i've got work and i'm scared about another panick attack happening again.

I guess i'm just wondering if anyone has any advice, or techniques i should know about.

yours sincerely

matt (namuhhtrae)

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June 22nd, 2009

06:57 pm - Random thoughts from my head....
I am looking for things in all the wrong places...
That is why men leave me....Remember that!

I am the real life Debbie Downer and I didn't even realize it until now...
That is scary....

No one understands me.
Will you please save me God?
Don't leave me here all alone...

God, do you think I could ever be a great writer?
Do you hear me talking to you?
I have tears in my eyes....

I want to leave some sort of legacy in my life to help other people...
That is whats really important.

Without my sanity I have no chance in life....
Please don't let me go off the deep end...
I hope I haven't lost my sanity already...
But if I have will you please give it back???

Can God really cure all the pain...?
If I get down on my knees, cry and pray will you really help me lord?

You don't know how having bad self esteem can tear you up inside...
It makes you self destructive.
It makes you hurt.

I make people choke me....
But the thing is I know I deserve it.
If only I could be respectable....

Wake up bitch!
Stop being so fucking lazy or you will regret it....
Just DO SOMETHING with your life....!
Current Mood: anxiousanxious

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November 17th, 2008

05:54 pm - Lexapro
I'm on Lexapro; has anybody here taken it before?
This is my fifth day on it, and the main side effects that are bothering me are nausea and the feeling that everything around me is moving.
I'm taking it for Anxiety & Depression, and nobody in my family takes it seriously.

Thanks =)
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: Muse "Supermassive Black Hole"

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November 14th, 2008

03:48 am - Meds....
I saw a doctor the other day and told him about my anxiety, depression and insomnia. He put me on Xanax 1mg 3 times a day, Wellbutrin 300mg and Mellaril 200mg for sleep. I was just wondering if anyone has used these medications and what they thought about them. The xanax helps with the stress but makes me feel out of it....
Current Mood: awakeawake

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October 24th, 2008

06:27 pm - Alpha-Stim
This is something that my family and I are looking into for me.

From what I have read..it looks to be promising and something I am looking forward to trying.

The Alpha-Stim - Microcurrent electirical therapy

Alpha-Stim treats anxiety, insomnia and depression with cranial electrotherapy stimulation (CES). CES produces beneficial changes in the brain's electrical activity and can induce pleasant and relaxed feelings.

Treating anxiety, depression, and insomnia with CESCollapse )

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